Mixed Fortune
There's a hawker in Batu Pahat who sells fried white carrot cakes so successfully that now, he only opens when he feels like it. Which makes it almost as if you just struck a lottery if you go past that street and see him open.
I got home and announced to my parents that I
had to eat it. My brother told me that the likelihood of him actually being open is approximately 20%. So we went out to check it out and lo and behold, it was open.
On the downside, this means that I overate. Oh well.
Home Bittersweet Home
It seems as if I've been waiting the whole semester for this moment - coming back home. However, when I got home I realised that it has both its charms and its bad points. For one, when I got back:
1. The wireless internet refused to work.
2. The water pressure was so low I couldn't even get a proper shower. It was more like...a trickle.
3. The weather is so unbelievably warm.
On the sweet side however, I have
1. eaten the first home cooked meal in a very long time.
2. a fridge stocked full of all my favourite fruits.
3. my bed.
Looking forward to spending 2 months enjoying life here.
Signed, Sealed and Delivered
After two whole days of frantic packing and trying to keep my act together, I have finally managed to move everything from my previous apartment into my new one, in between several breakdowns. Every so often while packing I would sit down, call someone and whine,'Argh...there's so much to do I just wanna die...where's my Mango Bear??'
Sadly, no Mango Bear appeared and I had to pack everything by myself. However, everything is now over with some help from a few friends to move to the new apartment. The amazing thing about packing is that you realise that you only use about 20% of everything that you have. There were clothes that I forgot I had, stationery that I didn't even know I bought and various small knick knacks that I thought was 'so cute' I had to buy them but were just lying around collecting dust. It is during times like this that I appreciate my mother's wisdom - ever since I was young she has been telling me off, saying that I should only buy what I really need, not want. If only I listened to her...
I am certainly not looking forward to coming back to Melbourne next year and having to unpack everything that I have in my new apartment. The room that I am moving to is smaller than the one I am currently living in - not sure how is that supposed to work out. However, I don't think it should be viewed in a bad way. Perhaps living in a smaller room will force me to stay neater to conserve space.
Besides, maybe by then I would have found a Mango Bear.
Shopping Hangover
I have a shopping hangover.
This is what a person experiences the day after a whole day of shopping the day before and yakking too much. You wake up, wonder what time it is, try to move and realise that almost every bone, muscle, tendon, ligament and cell is in your body is aching.
Of course, I didn't help myself. I wore 3 inch heels and went out from 8.30 in the morning and got home at 11.30 at night. Admittedly, not all the time was spent shopping. But the times that were spent not shopping was spent talking and laughing. As a result, my ribs hurt from laughing too much, my arms ache from carrying too many shopping bags and my feet hurt from the infernally high heels I decided to wear to torture myself.
On the plus side, perhaps I have lost weight due to all the walking I managed to do yesterday. Every cloud comes with its silver lining.
How Easygoing Are You Supposed To Be?
I went out with my friend recently and we decided to grab some lunch while we were shopping together. The menus arrived and we had a look. Since both of us were not hungry, we decided to share something.
Friend: Hm, don't think I'll be able to finish it all.
Me: If you want we can share it.
Friend: You sure? Are you happy with rissotto?
Me: Yeah, sure. Pick anything, I'm fine.
I obviously lied. I am fine with almost everything on the menu. In fact, everything on the menu was edible. Except a particular risotto....
Friend: Alright then, let's get the seafood rissotto. Sounds yummy
Me: *forced smile* Yeah, that's alright. No problem!
For people who don't get it, I don't particularly like seafood. Apparently when I was young I ate fish porridge everyday and that put me off seafood during my older childhood and adolescent years up to now. In fact, I hate it. The only exceptions include fish and chips which I drown in lemon juice before going near it or seaweed. Wait - seaweed's not seafood. Whatever.
Unfortunately, I said that everything was fine and I knew the person wanted to eat seafood rissotto and I felt bad saying no since I already sort of agreed to share it. I know it's silly, but this wasn't just an ordinary friend. This was someone....let's just say that this was somebody I didn't particularly want to disagree with. The point is, I said okay and when the food came, I set off to divide it, taking care to avoid the larger pieces of seafood. Unfortunately...
Friend: Take more of the prawns and mussels, I'm perfectly fine. Don't worry about me. *piled my plate up*
I had to go through 3 prawns and 2 huge mussels. It's a wonder I'm still alive to tell the tale instead of vomitting right now. Hopefully next time I have more backbone.
I. Hate. Seafood.
Post Exam Shopping
After my exams ended I decided that it was time to go for a well deserved, long awaited and anticipated shopping trip. I had been saving up for a few weeks for this occasion. Alright, I lied. I didn't save up at all, but who cares? Money spent after exams isn't counted into the budget right? It's just a reward to self after a long and hard semester.
Amazingly, for the first time ever in my career as a shopper, I came back with nothing. Zip. Zero. As my friend said,' Yeah, I just realised you're not carrying any bags. Well, no additional bags anyway *snigger*'. I don't understand. When I shouldn't be shopping, I come back with lots of stuff that I need (yes, need. They're not wants, they're needs!) and now that I actually deserve to shop I come back with nothing.
It is not entirely true that there was nothing to buy. There were tons of things that I would dearly like to have. Unfortunately, there's always the word 'but'. For some unknown reason I was lusting over the things that were impossible. So all I could do was window shop the whole day. And fantasize about my future purchases.
Maybe, just maybe, I am recovering from shopaholicism. Only time will tell.
Twenty going on Fourteen
Today I woke up feeling exceedingly bored and decided, on a whim, to log onto ICQ. My long neglected form of communication with my friends and random strangers during my teen years which has been overtaken by MSN Messenger in the recent years. I logged on and within a minute got an instant message from someone from my hometown.
That triggered a long forgotten sensation. The adrenaline rush of meeting somebody new for the first time and the 'getting to know each other phase'. Except this time with a few modifications. When I was fourteen - young, naive, trusting and blissfully ignorant, I would have believed everything the person told me with the wide eyed innocence of someone who has never seen the world. We would have chatted for weeks without knowing each other and subsequently deciding that we should meet up.
At 20, there's such a thing called Friendster. I looked his profile up. Then I sensed dissapointment. Once the mystery is unravelled, the charm was lost. 2 minutes after meeting him, I knew all about him, or at least enough of an idea to tell me what the person is like. It's like watching a flower bloom and wilt all in less than 30 seconds.
"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." - Mark Twain
10 Things I've Learnt in 3 Days
1. Eating instant noodles, chocolate and Dorritos three days in a row is bound to end up in grief. Especially when one has been doing it on and off for the past 3 weeks.
2. Forgetting to put a base coat before painting your nails with a bronze nail polish is a bad idea.
3. It is possible to put off doing your laundry until there's nothing left in the wardrobe to wear.
4. Porphorymonas gingivalis can be seen as black colonies in culture plates.
5. You may possibly receive the wrong exam paper when you go for an exam.
6. Always check your exam seat number before entering the hall.
7. If you have 3 papers in succession, never ever think you have enough time to study them all. You don't.
8. Question and answer sessions is one of the best ways to learn.
9. Things happen when you least expect them to.
10. Not sleeping the night before an exam leaves you feeling crummy.
I would like to thank God for getting me through these 3 papers.
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13
Toothpaste Term
We count time in various different blocks. Millenia, centuries, decades, years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, miliseconds etc. I have another way of counting time for myself. Well, it's not really an actual accurate time, but I do it anyway. I count a block of time according to how long it takes for me to finish a tube of toothpaste.
As most of you are probably aware of by now, I am obsessive about my toothpaste. Every time I open a new box with a new tube of toothpaste I see it as a fresh new start, a new and possibly perfect term where the toothpaste will remain nice and intact until the end, that is when I finish it. For the record, it has never happened before. Something, or someone, will inevitably squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube, thus rendering it ugly and with a crease. Which would put me off for a day. WHY can't people just leave my tube of toothpaste alone??
Which made me feel particularly annoyed when I opened a new box of toothpaste a few days ago. I opened it, thinking that maybe this is THE time that my toothpaste tube will be perfect when I realised that it was ALREADY squashed.
There goes my perfect toothpaste term.
Man Bitches
If there's only one thing I've learnt this semester, it's probably this - there is a new breed of guys that is currently spawning the world right now. I call them man bitches. At first I thought it was a coincidence that I met a couple of them this semester. Now I've concluded they're growing exponentially.
Man bitches are guys who gossip more than girls and can say stuff that would floor even the bitchiest of girls. Probably because what they say has been well formulated to hit the most vulnerable part of a girl. Oh yes, I forgot to mention - they usually prefer targetting girls. Sure, they're asses to their guy friends too, but it seems that testing to see how far a girl can last their onslaught of words seems to be their hobby.
Some man bitches tell me 'This is what I'm like. Take it or leave it.' To me, that's a pittance of an excuse. Does that mean that bad behaviour is in built and cannot be changed? Some even go as far as to say,' But I don't actually mean what I say.' Then why on earth do you even say it in the first place then? If it's supposed to be a joke, it's a really low class disrespectful sort of joke to come up with. Whether you mean it or not, the damage is done. It takes 10 positive comments to erase just one bad one. And when people come up with the bright idea of slamming a person with 10 insults a night, I leave it for you to imagine how the person feels like at the end of the day.
Maybe it's because man bitches want people to feel bad about themselves so that they can feel better. From my view, just stay out of my way. The last thing any girl needs is people to make her feel worse than she already feels.
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Christmas Present
For the first time in my life I received a Christmas present not in the month of December or January (usually I get it in January because everybody just kept procrastinating and ended up swapping gifts late) but surprise surprise, in early November. Thanks to everybody who put in the effort for it, you know who you are.
Have not opened it yet. Considering if I should but it's a Christmas present right? Good things should be kept for later. However, I realise from past experiences that I tend to open gifts ahead of time. Which is probably what I'm going to do with this one as well - it's too tempting. Shall hold out for as long as possible though.
If only every day was Christmas.
Pandora
I was supposed to be studying but my friend posted me a link to Pandora. Pandora is this really interesting place where you can find songs that are similar to the type of music you listen to. All you have to do is type in the name of the song or artist that you like and Pandora will generate a playlist that sounds good.
Apparently you can save those files too. Except I couldn't find them. Either I'm retarded or it's just not saving into my computer - probably the former. However, shall persevere and hope for the best that I will be able to find it. Most of the songs that they recommend have been pretty obscure, so looks like I'll have to go to iTunes to download it. Really happy that I can finally download songs from iTunes now. Have been jealous of US citizens for far too long...
I am really into happy songs right now for some reason. Really bubblegum pop sort of music. Particularly 'I Am' by Hilary Duff. That's how bubblegum pop I'm talking about. Probably because I think it's uplifting and makes me feel better instead of listening to the really sad songs. On the other hand, I like really depressing I-want-to-kill-myself sort of songs too. Hmm, I guess it depends on my mood.
"Sometimes I'm not sure who I am" - Hilary Duff
Spiders and Lizards
I went for my first exam paper of the semester (out of 6, I still have a long way to go) today and got a surprise. Not exactly a pleasant one. I was working through the questions when suddenly I saw a huge spider on my paper.
Alright, slight exaggeration. It wasn't huge...but it was bigger than the average spider. Maybe about 3cm? That's pretty big right? I stiffled a gasp and swiped at it with my ruler. Still there! Argh...by then I was starting to get annoyed. Here I am with too little time to deal with the paper and here was a spider refusing to get off the table. Swiped at it again and finally managed to get it off the table. *sigh of relief*
I do not really have a phobia for spiders, so that's all fine. But the experience today reminded me of what happened to me once during a Maths test when I was in secondary school. We were in class working through the maths problems when I suddenly felt something sort of brushing my calf. I thought it was a piece of paper that somehow got blown onto my leg so I absent-mindedly moved my leg a little so that the paper would fall off.
The 'piece of paper' that I imagined it to be started to move UPWARDS. Panicked, I looked down and stiffled a shriek. Right there on my leg was a disgusting lizard. ARGH!!! I hate lizards. Alright, I'm just a sucker who has a huge phobia and am therefore putting the blame on those disgusting creatures. But the point is, there it was right on my leg. In the middle of the maths test. However, I did not scream. It was a test - I had to be considerate right? So I somehow jerked my leg and thank all the stars in heaven, the lizard dropped onto the floor and walked (walked? ran? slithered? crawled?) off.
My friend who was sitting next to me thought I was posessed!!! My movements must have suggested some sort of seizure, I don't know - but the truth was I was almost paralyzed with fear. Anyway, that lizard walked towards one of my friends who saw it and promptly started screaming her head off.
And the whole Maths test was disrupted and the teacher in charged told everybody off for being such babies. I can laugh about it now...but personally, at that moment it was awful.
Hoping no more creatures visit me during exams.
Puggles
I have always wanted a beagle. I still remember when I was young I had an encyclopedia set and every once in a while I'll take out D and flip to Dogs - where they had illustrated pictures of all the breeds of dogs available. Then I'll show it to my dad:
Me: Dad, I want a Beagle!!! It's so cute!! Look look!! No wait, a Golden Retriever!!! No no...a Cocker Spaniel. Can I have one? Please?? *pleading eyes*
Dad: ....*ignore mode*
Anyway, my friend just told me a few days ago that I should not be wanting a beagle. Why get a beagle when I can have a puggle?
Puggle? I've never heard of that breed before. Turns out that it's a cross between beagles and pugs and I think they're adorable!!!! Except when they get bigger they don't seem so cute anymore. But I guess that's how it usually is. But come to think of it, I think beagles are still on the top of the list.
Deletion
I believe that everything in life happens for a reason during optimistic days. Those are the days when I think that if I didn't do certain things or didn't meet certain people, my life won't be as good as it is now. But doesn't the opposite apply too? If I didn't do certain things or didn't meet certain people, perhaps my life would be even better.
I think the things that impact us the most are the people we meet. In a moment, everything can change. And sometimes when I think about it I wish I never met certain people, that I didn't know they ever existed, that I didn't work on the friendship and...lots of other things. It hurts when things doesn't go the way you want them to or plan.
How do you delete a person from your life? If only it was as easy as clicking delete on a computer and purging everything to do with that person out of your memory and your life. Everywhere I go somehow something reminds me of certain people, certain events and certain things. Even certain subjects are cloaked with the person's presence because it was stuff you used to talk about, laugh about or make fun about. It's something like...the person is a part of you in a way, because without that person, you are not who you are anymore. How do you learn to forget?
1. Delete all photos - think of all the extra space on your computer that you get to utilise for other purposes!
2. Remove all items that you own that remind you of the person - constant reminders suck.
3. Take up a new hobby - mine being studying obsessively.
4. Hope you never see the person again.
Security Blankets
Don't you just love Linus and his security blanket? I think most of us had a security blanket or somekind when we were young. Well, for me it wasn't a blanket, but rather a pillow. Which I still have up to this day, even at the green old age of 20. Which my parents dub as the 'Stinky Pillow'. Which travels with me each time I go back and forth from Malaysia to Melbourne. It's the one and only item that has been with me my whole life and in a sense, has been a comfort all the while. Sound silly, but it's true.
I know I know... I'm so old I should give it up. The thing is, I haven't really been needing it much for the past year or so. It seems as if I've sort of grown out of it. True, it's still with me when I go to sleep at night but I don't NEED it to fall asleep. Maybe it's a sign that I've grown older and wiser. Or perhaps just something that I don't need anymore because I have come to realise that the pillow, contrary to what I've always believed, cannot solve anything or help me in any way.
Wishing I was a kid again with my precious stinky pillow to make everything all good again.
Streak of Tarnish
I used to be very close to a guy friend once upon a time. Then somehow it all just ended after he got together with a girl. One day I was his best friend, the next day it was as if we didn't know each other anymore. Probably because he spent a lot of time with her and therefore did not have the time to spend with me. Or maybe it is my fault because I did not work hard enough to sustain the relationship.
Now things between us is pretty strained. We still keep in contact - if you can call it contact when a person only calls you up when he needs something from you. At first I really resented the fact that a friend would call you up just because he wants something from you. Then I realised that maybe all of us do it sometime or other. It's a natural thing to do when you need something. Whatever the case, I still grieve over the loss of a friend who taught me a lot who is now no longer part of my life. Once in a while I miss the times we spent with each other just vegging out, watching movies, eating cake, talking about the meaning of life and fantasizing about our future.
One of the gifts I got from him is a silver necklace that I still have now. There's a streak of tarnish on it - I do not know how it got there. It has resisted all efforts to be removed - even after I sent it to be professionally cleaned. It stayed clean for a while and the streak remained. I feel as if it's a permanent mark - a sign that the friendship is forever stained and cannot be made whole again.
I Want A Mango Bear
I tried to log on to www.blogger.com to sign in, and then my browser crashed. 4 times. I think it's a sign that maybe I'm not meant to post this up. But I don't care - gonna do it anyway.
When my friend came to Melbourne in February we went to Federation Square's ACMI Theatre to watch a few short clips. Most of the clips were pretty artsy, which isn't really my kind of thing. Then I saw a clip called Mango Bear and clicked it.
I loved that clip so much. It's basically about a girl who is really messy and one day acquires a Mango Bear as some sort of a pet/companion of sorts. The Mango Bear was a very neat bear. It cleaned up after her and basically was her friend and companion at the same time too. Isn't that great??
Unfortunately something bad had to happen, or else that story wont' have a plot, would it? So one day, the messy girl went too far. She decided to throw a party and basically the whole house was trashed. The Mango Bear got so pissed off it kicked the girl out of the house and cleaned the house from top to bottom until it was sparkling clean.
Then it realised that the house was empty and life was meaningless without a companion and anything to clean. So it went out to look for the messy girl who was conveniently just sitting around doing nothing. So they reunited and it was a happily ever after ending for the Mango Bear and the girl. *sigh*
Wouldn't it be great if I could have a Mango Bear too? I would like to state first that I am not looking for a personal slave, as a friend suggested. I mean, I just want a neat companion, who will hopefully spur me on to be neater. Half the floor of my room is now covered with notes, another quarter with clothes and another quarter with cosmetics.
Where is my Mango Bear???
Painting nails
Nail painting is stressful. Firstly, you have to paint it the right way so that the nail polish goes on right. Then for the next 3 hours you have to do nothing to make sure that your perfectly painted nails do not get ruined. Don't believe what the stupid nail polish bottle claims about 1 minute setting time. It may have supposedly set but if you bump even into a feather the nail is gone forever and you have an imperfect set. Yucks.
Which is why I am typing this post with splayed of fingers so that my fingernails don't touch the keyboard. Been studying for half the day and decided to take a break. Been thinking a lot about who I am lately. Been feeling pretty country bumpkin-ish. Probably because I recently got introduced to a highly sophisticated and classy girl and therefore am feeling insignificant.
You can take a girl out of a kampung, but you can't take the kampung out of a girl.
10 Things I Miss About Malaysia
Now that I'm about three and a half weeks away from going home, I've started thinking more about home. Which is why I've decided to come up with a list of things that I have been missing all year. Wait a minute - it's only been three and a half months since I've been back. *sigh*
1. My family. My parents have been the best parents a girl could ever ask for I think. They've been super supportive and have always been ready to listen to my complaints and whining over the years. And my brother is always up for midnight suppers. One of my fondest memories when I was young was my brother waking me up at 3am in the morning. 'Hey, let's go cook pancakes!! Common' wake up let's go!!'. Except now we go buy Ramly Burgers instead of cooking - getting lazier the older we get.
2. My dogs. Those two fluffy dogs are getting old. I think they're in their twilight years now :(. However, they still remember me even though I'm only back home 3 months a year now. Whoever said that the love from a dog is perfect is probably right. Except that my dogs enjoy running away from home for a romp in the streets once in a while.
3. My friends. December is the time everybody comes back from wherever they're studying and we get together to exchange notes on what has been going on in our lives (as if that's not already happening everyday on MSN). But it's different hanging out with each other, eating/slacking/watching movies/whatever we come up with. I guess now that some of my friends are actually going to graduate soon I feel that I should treasure these moments more.
4. My room. I love my room back home in Malaysia. Lots of drawers and table surface to keep my stuff. Somehow each time when I go home and enter my room, I feel like my 17 year old self again, before I even knew Melbourne and the existence of Koko Black chocolate.
5. Tennis. Specifically tennis with my dad in the morning. I don't get to see him much when I go back so I really treasure these sessions. He has to give up his golf sessions in the morning for me though. Waking up at 6.30am in the morning when the rest of the sane world is still sleeping and going for a good 1.5 hour hit in the morning is one of my favourite things about going back home. Makes me feel that I'm doing something worthwhile with my time instead of lying in bed sleeping. I am omitting the fact that I go back to sleep after I get back from tennis though...haha.
6. My car. Alright, technically not MY car per se, but the car I drive back home. Many times in Melbourne have I wished I had a car so that I don't have to drag heavy groceries back from Safeway, eat wherever I want and basically all the tens of thousands of other conveniences that I won't list here. Can't wait to give up Bus 11 for 3 months....hehe
6. The Food!!! Sigh, been having pangs of longing for rojak. Dying for it actually. And nasi lemak. And nasi bryani. And ais kacang. And laksa. And lontong. And satay. Okay, the list is unending. You get the point.
7. Pirated DVDS and cheap movie tickets. Can't wait to buy everything that I've missed this year and watch it at home. Or just watch it in Summit for freaking 4 ringgit per movie. I feel so ripped off in Melbourne.
8. The shopping. Especially shoes. Can't wait to go home and add more shoes into my collection. Just thinking about it is sending me into a retail induced state of mental happiness. :D
9. Books. Planning to re-read the entire literary works of L.M. Montgomery over again. Ohh, and Jane Austen.
10. The routine. I love my routine back in Malaysia when I go home. Wake up, play tennis. Come back, shower and eat breakfast. Take a nice nap until lunch time. Waste the afternoon by reading/going out/shopping. Eat dinner. Go out with friends at night. That is the life.
Hm...makes me wonder why I want to stay in Melbourne after I graduate. Next list - 10 Things I Love About Melbourne.
It's a small world
I went to my friend's 20th birthday party a couple of days ago and got introduced to this person. The conversation went something like this:
Him: Hi, where are you from originally?
Me: Oh, I'm from Batu Pahat, Johor.
Him: ReAlLy? I know a few people from Batu Pahat who were in my pre-university course.
Me: Oh, I know a few people who went there. Do you know *name of person*?
Him: Yes, I do!!
Both of us together: What do you think about him??
*pause*
Me: Er...he's not very popular.
Him: Yes I don't like him either!!!!! Argh!!!!!!
Then we launched into this 2 hour session of bitching on why we do not like this guy. Okay, this sounds really bad but if you knew that guy, you would launch into a two hour bitching session too. It's really amazing that I met someone from the same course though, and it was purely coincidental.
Still feeling pretty amazed.
Perfect
I think I'm pretty cynical in nature. However, I have an unfailingly cheerful friend who told me when I was really down, ' Maybe there is no Mr. Perfect, but there will be Mr. Perfect For You. Have faith.'
Well, recently I met a guy who many people would consider pretty perfect. Good looks, good teeth, good manners, good vocabulary, good dressing. Added into the package was the fact that he was wealthy and generous. AND single. What more could a girl want? But experience has taught me that there is no such thing as perfect.
Which is why I am choosing to decide that he is gay.
Reflections
Once when it was autumn the leaves were all turning red and gold and I looked up at the sky and suddenly it hit me that the world was beautiful. Then it stuck me again a couple of days ago when I was watching a show featuring a man made wave. The person was saying that to generate the wave, an enormous amount of energy was needed. Then I thought of the waves in the ocean, far bigger and greater than that small man made strip of water and felt so small.
It seems that everyday we tend to just focus on the things in life that seem so big and important to us that we forget about the grand scheme of things. We have schedules to keep, work to do and so much so that we forget about the other things in life that are wonderful. The things that peeve and irritate us stay in our mind like mosquitoes on a still night but when we stop to think about it, isn't all these things insignificant?
There are so many things that I have not seen yet. I want to go to Alaska one day and see aurora borealis there, even if I have to freeze there for several days. I want to go to Prince Edward Island and see for myself the beauty of the place that L.M. Montgomery talks about in her novels. Even more than that, I want to just go to a beach at night, lie down on the sand look up at the stars and realise how small I am in the universe and put my worries and stresses into perspective.
We worry too much. Does the thing that is bugging you really that significant? Now when I think about it, if you take everything one step at a time, everything will be fine. Eventually.
