Some questions do not have answers

"What do you mean we have a month? It's tomorrow!"

I spent the entire weekend working on an assignment that is only going to be due two weeks from now. Wanted to be on top of my work and not have to do a last minute panicked and frantic job out of it. So, I went to the library today and serenely went over my assignment which was well ahead of schedule and went for a leisurely lunch with my friends. And then I went to clinic.

Nothing special in clinic today really - I didn't have my own patient so I was just assisting my friend with hers. After we finished doing everything we were writing up reports. And then:

Friend: So, have you done any studying yet?
Me: Like, none? Anyway, we have a month. Hopefully I'll be ready by then.
Friend: WhAt are you talking about? The test is tomorrow!!

Turns out, I have a Neuroscience test tomorrow that is worth a grand total of 1.67% out of the entire subject. I know, it is a pittance really, hardly worth mentioning. But I felt really awful anyway. How could I have completely forgotten all about a test? This is the first time I have ever been this irresponsible and I have to say that I felt awful. It was a mixture of guilt, dissapointment and overwhelming shame. I violated my parents' trust in me that I would make studies my main priority in Melbourne and worst of all, I let myself down. It is entirely too late to start studying now. I do not even have the textbook for that subject due to my constant procrastination. Now, all I feel is an avalanche of guilt and the magnitude of the task ahead of me is overwhelming. I have to somehow, miraculously, study hard enough to get results worth getting in exams that are less than a month off.

I have done nothing that I can be honestly proud of this semester. All my time was spent lazing around, meeting up with friends, meeting new friends, having fun, shopping...basically anything but study really. All I have to show for it now is a stack of clothes and an empty bank account. Is it worth sacrificing my future for my present happiness? I doubt it.

Feeling very low.

posted by Evelyn at 9:40 PM